He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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