I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My vagina just recognized that song.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
