so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
