Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
