That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
