farters have to be the big spoon...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Found your dick twin last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
