I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
