i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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