The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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