i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
