Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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