i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Still dying that you shit outside
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
