weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
