i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
