Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
