The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
