I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
