so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
