you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize