Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He shit in the fireplace
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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