Don't you send me to vm
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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