Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
