dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
