I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize