it's not cheating when I paid for it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
