stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
