omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
