I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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