Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Someone came in the potted fern
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
