found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
