Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
