When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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