Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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