so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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