What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
