words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
