You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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