I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
