hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
