Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize