you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
