my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
