On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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