the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
