how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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