I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
