Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
