He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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