He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
