i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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