so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
