I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
