dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
