I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
