Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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