I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
