So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
