so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
