Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
