i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
