Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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