It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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