I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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