i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
