Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
