i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
