Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
