i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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