Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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