The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
handjob tips. give me some.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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