im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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