Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize