I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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